I need to be reborn

I know I have a problem, and I am trying to avert the eventual confrontation. I sense that the problem took root after my graduation in April. Due to hectic school schedules in college, I was overworked and enervated beyond belief. Perhaps my passion for reading, writing and living was dulled by the constant and relentless need to perform. Thus upon graduation, I took a mental hiatus. For a period of some eight months, I stayed away from any mentally strenuous activity.  In hindsight, I am conscious of the damage I had inflicted upon myself, and I am well aware of my present ability to write succinctly and concisely. In fact, I can safely say that I am losing my ability to craft a convincing piece of work; yet the awareness did not stirred me to action until I heard a talk given by Andrew’s parent, Leonard and Rita.

Both of their talks differ in the topics they chose to address. The former chooses to focus his talk on the notion of mental engagement, while the latter shares with the congregation her experiences and her testimony. In addition, Auntie Rita also implored the youth and her counterparts alike to sink their roots deep into gospel soil in order to strengthen their personal testimony, and avert spiritual inactivity. I appreciate their talks, however Uncle Leonard’s talk struck a chord with me. 

In his talk, he expounded on the importance of continual learning. He explains that one should never allow their minds to wander or idle, because idleness is akin to mental regression. He illustrates his point by highlighting that, knowledge we gained earlier in our lives will fail to endure, if we allowed the information we acquire to remain dormant in our brains. Other than admonishing the congregation to be mentally engaged, he offers a remedy for idleness by suggesting that one should expose their minds to a vast variety of books, and to read often as well.

I concur with him. I reflected and contrasted on my present mental state to the period when I was in college. In my reflections, I realized that my ability to construct an argument and perceive have been dimmed by my mental inactivity. I had not read a book for some eight month since graduation. Other than that, I have ceased writing as well. Brother Leonard’s talk have woken me up, and he has brought me to recognize the pathetic mental state I had subjected myself to, as a result of my inability to devote quality time to reading and writing.  I am petrified by my own discovery, and I do not want to lose my capacity to read and write. Hence I have made a promise to myself that I will make a weekly entry to my blog, in addition, to reading three books a month. I will not fall, and I will read and write again. 

Post Script to "Post Modern Identity Crisis"

Following the previous post, I feel I should clarify my stance regarding my perception and comments particularly on sex and the disillusion that seem to contribute to one's identity. As an individual, I am not in favor of leading a celibate life, rather, I feel that sex can never solve the identity crisis one experiences during the defining years of life. Instead one should strive to get out of a rut. Adding to that, research has shown that sex itself serves to enhance one's health, however the perversion of one's desire is a violation of another's virtue. With that said, I hope my stance on the topic is clear.

Post Modern Identity Crisis

In reference to my last entry, I have decided to begin blogging again though I am unable to get around my camera situation. My original plan to establishing this blog was so I could couple my passion for writing with photography. However to my dismay, I realized that the former will have to wait since I can't upload any of my pictures, however I am still taking shots of individuals and moments that I feel should be captured. Other than photography, I have also delve into 20th century and contemporary Japanese literature in an effort to relief myself. In my study of Japanese literature, I realize that most of the protagonists featured in the novels are city dewellers who are primarily disillusioned with their lives and identity.

I have always been intrigued by the Japanese culture, particularly in the culture found in large urban japanese cities such as Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto. In my study of American and English literature, my professors have often pointed out that the culture and problems in our society are often reflected in the literature of the period. I believe this statement is true. Terry Eagleton seconds this thought in After Theory. Eagleton states that in our era, the birth of theories have cease with the death of great thinkers such as Derrida, and Husserl. He also states that as a society, we are chiefly concerned with sex, and entertainment. Eagleton's statement regarding sex and entertainment as a pervading effect in our society is reflected in the lifestyles we lead and in the literature.

For instance in Shusaku Endo's Scandal and Juichiro Tanizaki's The Key, the protagonist are often portrayed as individuals who are disillusioned with their lives or their marital relationships. These protagonist are also intellectual individuals who surrender themselves to their carnal desires in an effort to revitalize their lives. The figure of the professor featured in Tanizaki's The Key, is one of these figures who abandons himself to his lust hoping to revive his marriage and his life. During the process, his doctor warned his of his dire health, and the inevitability of death if he persists in his pursuits. The professor ignores the warnings and eventually loses his life; while his wife, Ikuko, ends up living with her lover, Kimura, after their daughter marries him. Tanizaki's character of the professor is only an example where intellectual of the society fall as they yield themselves to the desires of the flesh. Endo's Scandal, also features the character of a novelist, Suguro, who feels that his marriage has reach a standstill. In addition, he is accused of masochism by a lady whom he allegedly met when he was visiting the shady night spots of Shinjuk, Tokyo. Though Suguro does not suffer death, he is confronted by accusations and the reality that he might be indeed be a masochist as he seeks to uncover the possibility of his dual personality and the truth of human nature through sexual violence. Though the characters are often left destitute in their personal confrontation, I feel that perhaps life in a city is the major cause to the mental and psychological deprivation which one experiences.
As a city dweller, I can understand the monotony of urban life, hence my urge to take up photography after graduation. Though the plan did not work out, I am nonetheless glad that I have found refuge in contemporary Japanese literature. I hope my understanding and study of oriental literature dealing with personal identity and disillusionment will lay the groundwork for my pursuit of a graduate degree in rhetoric concerning Japanese literature. 

For Those Who Blog

Some people blog for the fun and excitement, which technology affords to those who are willing to publish their thoughts. There are also others who feel that online publishing is an economic way of preserving and sharing their memories with those they love. Hence we are bloggers in our own right. However 'blogger' does not yet denote an individual who merely sits in front of a computer tapping away on a keyboard; rather the blogger of this post modern society is a sensitive and perceptive individual who writes and publish with an express purpose of sharing a perspective they feel keenly about.
Their perspective might not be ground breaking news pertaining to our existence, yet their description of reality through the medium of language holds the possibility of highlighting the mind numbing ideology the society uses. John Updike in "You Never Know, Dear, How Much I Love You," made a similar statement in the concluding lines when he states a similar sentiment through his protagonist Ben, as he boldly refers to the world as a "jaded coquette" who constantly "spurns our efforts to give ourselves to her wholly." (6). There is no wrong in the indulgence of sharing personal interests, however bloggers should not spare the opportunity to create awareness.
Most people have been a blogger at some point in their lives since most write what they observe; in other words they try to use language to make sense of the mundane and ordinary of life. Thus a blogger who evolves with time and technology should not overlooked his ability to render beauty and reality to the mundane and ordinariness of life through the medium of language.